forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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