My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
It's shark week go big or go home
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I forget how to act sober
Randomize