turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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