What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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