Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
