the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Please don't give away my fajitas
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