I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
