Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
dude. I can hear the air.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
