you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Found the puke drawer
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize