Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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