i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
