I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
