shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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