The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
