oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
