Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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