i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
