i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Randomize
