mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
