wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I should be sponsored by Trojan
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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