Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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