I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
