My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
