Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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