take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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