I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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