I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
