you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
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