I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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