I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
