I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
smell my finger.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
