you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
