Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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