We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
