don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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