I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
