If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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