I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
