Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Buhtt sex?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
