he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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