We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
