I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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