I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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