Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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