That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
