She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
