guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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