going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I just googled if crying burns calories
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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