Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Randomize
