Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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