OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
