I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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