yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
My vagina just recognized that song.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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