Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
