Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
