when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
