i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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