I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Is Oprah even human
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
