Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
