Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
What drink are we having for lunch?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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