a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
All I want is dick and wine.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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