We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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