Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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