If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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