There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You ate ashes out of my bong
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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