Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
